


The First Person You Have to Tell Is Yourself

by sans_souci2



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Slash, Steve's backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-11
Updated: 2011-06-11
Packaged: 2017-10-20 11:30:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/212320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sans_souci2/pseuds/sans_souci2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chance meeting with someone from Steve's past opens the door for he and Danny to admit how they really feel about each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Person You Have to Tell Is Yourself

It’s Monday morning and Danny is halfway through his first cup of coffee when Steve wanders into his office , “So did you and Gracie have a nice weekend?"

“We had a fantastic weekend, thank you for asking.” He makes a point of keeping his eyes on Steve’s face as he answers because starting today, starting right now the guy is not going to make him have anymore crazy thoughts. 

_None._

_It’s over with ._

_Fini._

“So, what did you do?”

He gets halfway through the list before something stops him, “What ? What’s up with that face?”

“Nothing’s up,” Steve shrugs, “I just like hearing about you and Gracie. It ‘s always … really…, sweet." 

_Sweet ?_

Did the man with the sculpted body and laser-like stare just struggle for and find the word, _sweet_? Not only that, why did he top it off with another innocent little shrug? Danny’s brain suddenly goes squirrely. It’s time for an immediate re-direct. “Well how about …, you? What’d you do this weekend?”

“Me? Oh you know – the usual.”

“Which is?”

“I swam. I cleaned the house. I worked on the car. Sunday I drove up to Kamehame Ridge for a run.” 

“Did you do anything with  _anybody_?”

“No,” Steve frowns.

“Well call me crazy but sometime you sound like a damn hermit. I mean, you’re into the whole me myself and I thing a little too much."

McGarrett’s eyes laugh at him- outright laugh and smirk and dance. “Once again I have no idea what you’re trying to say Danny. 'Me, myself and I thing ?’ 

Danny's face feels warm, because hell yeah , it’s only natural to blush like a stupid girl when your boss is eying you curiously with his arms folded across his ridiculously sculpted chest. He throws out at weak counter maneuver, “Do not try to sidetrack me by making fun of my word choices.” 

“Fine- how about I sidetrack you by asking you to, if you would be so kind, get to work?”

Then, just like that, the Navy trained Ninja who is in charge of making his life a living hell heads for the door. In fact, those ungodly long legs of his have him out in the bull pen before an answer is even formed in Danny’s head, much less on his lips. “Oh I’ll be glad to get to work-” he yells after Steve, “but, don’t think I’m finished with you regarding your clear need to alter what is obviously monk-ish behavior.” 

_Monkish behavior?_

_His own words._

_Out of his own mouth._

_For the hundredth time, What the hell is wrong with him?_  
  
He’ll tell you . 

What is wrong with him is that for some inexplicable reason, rationale thought seems to evaporate anytime McGarrett is within five feet of him. He watches his boss’s broad shoulders and perfect ass saunter off and shakes his head. So what was the plan? Starting this week the guy wasn’t going to have that insane, make-me-want-to-stare effect ?

 _So much for that ._  
__________~___________

“So Gracie’s gonna be with Rachel and Step Stan this weekend?”

“Please, don’t remind me." 

It’s late Friday afternoon and he’s still in the office because, face it, he has nothing better to do than plow through his in-box. He notices the way McGarrett is just standing there, running his thumb along the edge of his desk and even though he admits it’s nice having him in such close proximity, he has to ask, “Is there something particularly interesting about my desk that I don’t know about?"

“No, I was… I was just thinking about what you said earlier this week- you know about…. weekends?” 

He doesn’t make the connection right away because he’s too depressed about the two empty days looming ahead of him, “Weekends ? I don’t remember what it was I said, but, if I in any way suggested that this, on again off again every other weekend arrangement I’m strapped with is fair, let me clarify myself, It is  _so_ not.” 

The look on Steve’s face surprises Danny. There’s something about the way forehead creases and his eyes soften that suggests he really does get it and that he’s genuinely sorry Danny's life has gotten so fucked up. What he says next is less compassionate- in fact, it confirms he’d like to give him a mild coronary right there -on the spot . “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I know not having Gracie is hard on you - I thought maybe we could ….do something?” 

“Do… some…thing ?” He’s pretty sure he must look like he’s about to pee himself so he starts talking fast and his hands go airborne because no way can he let McGarrett see what that just did to him. “What, do you mean like go sky diving or bungee jumping? I mean, that’s the kind of thing you SEALs like to do in your free time ,isn’t it ? ” 

The surprised and hurt look on Steve’s face trips him up. 

_Don’t look at me like someone just stole all your GI Joes. Please._

“I’m sorry Steve.” Like a fool he reaches over and gives his hand a squeeze, “I’m just in a lousy mood. “

“It’s okay, Danny, I understand.” His voice is a gruff husk and his hand giving Danny's shoulder a gentle squeeze sends a delicious shock straight through him. 

_Christ._

“And, just for your information, Danny, I’m not a fan of sky diving or bungee jumping. “ Steve’s confident grin slowly starts to make it’s way back, “I just happened to see in the paper that the Nimitz is going to be docked down at the pier this weekend - there’s going to be an open house with music and food and tours. I don’t know, I thought it might be fun to check out.“ 

 _Could he look any more hopeful/sexy/adorable/?_  

“Let me get this straight. You want me to go check out some boat with you?” 

“Not some boat , Danny, _The Nimitz_  , a nuclear powered aircraft carrier. She’s over three football fields long." 

“Whoa!" 

“Yeah, she’s huge," Steve says looking hopeful.

“OK, so you want me to go with you to go check out an aircraft carrier?” 

Steve’s shoulders droop. He looks down at his hands., “Hey, forget it, it was a dumb idea. “ 

For some reason, that only the devil will ever know, it’s suddenly paramount to Danny’s continued existence on the planet to wipe that disappointed look off the face in front of him. “Now that’s where you’re wrong. I’d love to see this bad ass boat– who knows, I just might buy you a beer, afterwards."

“Aircraft carrier, Danny, ” Steve corrects him with a thousand watt , ear to ear grin, “aircraft carrier.” 

________~________

Steve picks him up at exactly two in the afternoon, the agreed upon time, and damn if he isn’t scrubbed and sparkly like a teenager on his first date. He’s as excited as one too and jettisons their usual , I’ll drive / You rant roles as soon as he pulls out of Danny’s complex. “So the Nimitz is one of the most advanced carriers in the fleet- she’s got technology on board that will absolutely blow your mind.“ 

“She does , does she?" 

Steve nods.

“Well before you tell me all about it, which I’m sure you will, let me ask you something –”

“What?“ Steve glances over with an adorable little frown.

“What is it with you Navy people – since when is a boat a she? It’s an _it_ , Steven.  _It_  has technology on board . She…? There is no she in this conversation.”

“Sorry Danny but , that’s where you’re wrong.” His face lights back up- the way it always does when he’s about to go didactic, “Throughout nautical history, ships, boats, carriers, even skiffs have been referred to in the feminine.“ 

“In the feminine- is that so ? You navy guys are damn quirky, you know that?” 

McGarrett’s smile widens. “For your information it’s not just us Navy guys. In all Romance languages, the word for "ship" is a feminine noun, thus, Mediterranean sailors referred to their ship as "she" and the practice was adopted over the centuries by their English-speaking counterparts.” 

“Well thank you for that Professor McSmug.”

“You’re very welcome, Danny." 

_Could he just not grin at him like that ?_

_Please ?_  

__________~_________

Okay so he’s just a boy from New Jersey which means the seaworthy vessels he’s come across in his life are pretty much either power boats or tug boats or every once in a while a highfalutin sail boat. Steve was right- what he sees on the Nimitz is flat out mind-blowing. There are rows of fighter jets lined up below a massive flight deck. Next to them, helicopters are stacked up like Matchbox Cars. Below the flight deck is a sick bay with an ICU identical to any in a big city hospital.

And there’s more.

On each level of the huge craft there are dining halls, kitchens and even 24/7 snack bars. It takes a lot of food to keep 3000 people fed. Way below the flight deck are super-insulated tanks filled with enough jet fuel to keep every aircraft on board in the air for over 200 hours. It’s like a little floating city. Make that a pretty good sized floating city. 

Hell- there’s even a bakery. A bakery that’s sending very good smells out into the narrow companionway Danny and Steve are heading down. 

“So what do you think Danny?”

“I think this thing is incredible, that’s what I think.” 

“Steve? “ A gruff voice surprises both of them. "Is that you McGarrett?” At tall silver haired man with the physique of someone half his age is eyeing Steve curiously from an open hatch.

“Admiral?” 

“It is you, isn’t it, Steve?" The man is suddenly smiling and pumping Steve’s hand and patting him on the back like he’s just found his long lost son. 

Steve doesn’t look nearly as overjoyed- in fact he looks nervous and is standing straight and stiff like he’s about to salute or something. 

“Yes sir Admiral. Good to see you, sir." 

“It’s Dave, and you can lose the sir.” 

“Yes sir .” 

Danny looks at Steve, wondering what the hell’s wrong. He suddenly sounds like a rookie just out of the academy. 

“Introduce me Steve,” the man asks as he nods at Danny. 

“Of course. Dave, this is Danny Williams, Danny this is Adm- uh, David McIntyre, the Nimitz’s Commanding Officer." Focusing on McINtyre, “Danny and I are on special assignment to the Governor- we’re more or less in charge of  a Homeland Security type operation customized to the Islands.” 

“Interesting.” The man holds a hand out toward Danny, “It’s good to meet you Mr. Williams.” 

 “It’s Danny, please.” The man's handshake is so hard Danny winces. 

“Sounds like quite a challenging assignment, Steve – I take it this means you’ve fully recovered?” 

“Yeah. I’m fine." He says it fast and looks so uncomfortable both Danny and the Admiral frown at him. 

“That’s good to hear, Steve. I got to tell you, I was damn worried when we first hauled your ass out of the Pacific.” 

“Thank you, like I said , I’m fine.” 

Danny wants to slap both of them and demand an explanation but there’s some crazy thing about watching this Admiral guy and Steve that makes him, for a change, stay quiet. 

“So any chance I can coax you two into joining me for cocktails in my quarters?” The admiral glances at his watch, “ Say, 1700 hours?" 

“Oh I ….. I don’t know …, we were uh-” 

Steve is stammering and looking like a twelve year old at a sock hop so Danny answers for him. “Cocktails would be great –“ he does the math in his head, “ Five o’clock would be perfect.” 

“Excellent. When you finish checking this lovely lady out, just pick up any phone and dial 0001- you’ll get my aide and he’ll send someone for you.”

  
______~_______

  
“Okay so what was that all about?” 

“That was about nothing. I told you the guy’s CO of this thing.” 

“Yeah, yeah , yeah, I’m not deaf. Which means I heard that little reference to fishing your ass out of the Pacific?” 

“It …” Steve takes a slow deep breath, “ was a SEAL op that …, ended badly.” They’ve finished checking out the fighter jet on the flight deck and are looking out over the harbor. “Two of us had been captured during a mission in North Korean, McIntyre was CO of the carrier tasked with transporting a team to get us out, that’s all . He was on the flight deck when they pulled me aboard- our raft had capsized in rough seas.” 

“How long were you held? “

“Thirty-eight days.” 

“I take it they didn’t put you up at the Hilton and offer you roomservice?” 

Steve shakes his head with a shuddered sigh; his eyes narrow, “No. In fact, they were …, animals.” The bitter disgusted edge to his voice makes the hair on Danny’s arms stand on end- makes him know better than to ask for more. Steve surprises him by continuing, “It’s as close to dying as I’ve ever come." Looking down at his hands, Steve shakes his head, “ It’s as close as I’ve ever come to wanting to die.” 

“Jesus, Steve-“ It’s out before he can stop himself, “What the hell did they do to you?” 

It’ s like Steve’ sees something on his hands, something God-awful. He takes a long uneven breath and turns to Danny, “ Look…, I’m really sorry…, but I …, I really can’t talk about it.” He’s suddenly a totally different person than before they ran into McIntyre. His eyes are clouded under a deeply creased brow. His entire face is lined with the memory. It’s eerie how changed he is.

It’s also insane but the change does something crazy to Danny- something he’s powerless to fight- his arm goes around Steve’s back, his hand gently smooths over the rock hard tension there. "It’s okay man, I’m the one who’s sorry. Of course we don’t have to talk about it.“ 

Seeing Steve’s shoulders relax just a little encourages Danny to continue what he's doing- there’s a sudden helpless vulnerability about Steve that makes it impossible not to. “You know I forget sometimes that I’m so damn lucky to have your sorry ass to rant and rave at.” Steve’s soft chuckle loosens the knot in his own chest, "I forget that before you took on the mission of trying to get _my_  sorry ass killed on a regular basis, you were doing some incredibly scary stuff that for sure made this ungrateful country of ours just a little safer.” 

His eyes are still sad but there’s a weak smile pulling on the corners of Steve's mouth-a smile that looks like it might be joined by a chuckle. “Long winded- a little, are you, Danno?” 

“Bite me.” 

Damn if a little bit of the sparkle isn’t back in McGarrett’s eyes , “I’m sorry," he says laughing, “It was just funny.” 

“So I’m funny am I? Here I am trying to tell you how much I admire what you did – how I get that the sacrifices must have been immensely painful, and this is what I get – insults!" 

“You admire what I did?” There’s no smirk or smugness-there’s genuine surprise.

 _The big goof._  

“Yeah I admire it. Hell, you dragged your ass all over the world, doing dangerous Rambo meets The Terminator stunts except they weren’t stunts and the bad guys had real guns. You bet I admire it Steve- especially since it sounds like the bad guys did some serious damage to you more than once but you always came back for more. “ 

Steve shrugs, "All of us got hurt at one time or another-it came with the territory.” 

“Yeah well I get grazed in the shoulder and I’m this close to a) killing you and b) quitting the job.” Danny keeps his hand on Steve’s back but turns so he’s facing him. He’s kind of sandwiched between the railing and Steve, now, smiling at him , feeling his ribs move when he inhales, seeing those delicious looking wisps of brown hair peeking out over the neck of his t-shirt. There’s no way to mistake the thrum setting up camp in his own gut;  this time he doesn’t even try. Standing there on that deck with the late afternoon sun warming him and the breeze off the water cooling him, he finally admits it. The feeling of butterflies and tightness and joy is courtesy of none other than pure, exhilarating excitement . And lets be precise here, the way Steve likes to be, it's sexual excitement, not just your regular run of the mill variety.

It’s a feeling like nothing else in the whole damn world. 

And,of course, the fact that Steven J McGarrett is giving it to him is proof that he’s lost his mind . 

On the other hand his super sane partner looks like he  just might be feeling the exact same thing. Does that make them both insane or the other way around? 

“That's different, Danny.  You only wanted to quit because what I was doing wasn't what you signed up for. You-” he puts a hand firmly on Danny’s shoulder, “didn’t sign up for a crazy partner who doesn’t have a clue about police procedure and-” his other hand settles on Danny’s other shoulder-his arms are loose but outstretched so it’s not like a true hug but he’s facing Danny and holding onto to him, looking him straight in the eye so earnestly and so gorgeously that it’s practically causing a cardiac disturbance in his poor partner’s chest. “I’m the one who’s lucky to have you to keep me half way under control and show me how real police work is done. His smile broadens and his eyes do that crazy thing where they go warm and soft and Danny could swear, bedroomy. “I’m also the one who’s incredibly lucky to be a part of your and Gracie’s life-to see you being such an amazing father. I got to say, it’s me who admires you. A lot.”

“I app…reciate that. “ 

Speech had never been this challenging for Danny _. Ever._

For a minute they both just stand there staring at each other as their bodies thrum with a supercharged pulse Danny's resisted up until now. Like white hot coals, the intensity of what’s passing between them is so extreme they can only bear it for a short time. Danny’s the first to back away, “So when are we gonna wrap up this love fest and go get that drink your buddy promised us?” 

Steve drops his arms to his sides with a delicious throaty chuckle, “At seventeen hundred hours, Danny, you heard the man.” 

“Okay that’s it. In my presence, when we state a time, we speak  _English._  We say _five o’clock,_ not something something hundred hours. Hundreds and hours have no place when it comes to time. Do you understand me?” 

Steve drapes his arm over him .  At first it's a casual, affectionate, guy-friend kind of gesture. He keeps his arm where it is though as he steers them toward a phone mounted on the bulkhead, “Yeah I understand, Danny.“  When they stop, he locks eyes with Danny as his hand teases along Danny’s neck and his fingers start to wander lazily up into his hair, “ _You_ ," he says with a smoldering grin, "I understand perfectly."


End file.
